Attending and Empathy Skills

Intentional, Interviewing and Counseling: Facilitating Client Development in a Multicultural Society By Allen E. Ivey, Mary Bradford Ivey, Carlos P. Zalaquett

Attending and Empathy Skills (Ch. 5, pg. 56)

"Attending focuses on the counselor’s verbal and nonverbal behavior, whereas observation skills focus on specifics of clients’ nonverbal and verbal behaviors. Attending behavior, essential to an empathic relationship, is defined as supporting your client with individually and culturally appropriate verbal following, visuals, vocal quality, and body language/facial expression. Listening is the core skill of attending behavior and is central to developing a relationship and making real contact with our clients.

Attending behavior will have predictable results in client conversation. When you use each of the micro skills, you can anticipate how the client is likely to respond. These predictions are never 100% perfect, but research has shown that we can generally expect specific results from various types of helping interventions (Daniels, 2010). If your first attempt at listening is not accepted by the client, you can intentionally flex and change the focus of your attention or try another approach to show that you are hearing the client.

Attention is the connective force of conversations and of empathic understanding. We are deeply touched when it is present and usually know when someone is not attending to us. The way one attends deeply affects what is talked about in the session. Also important is to observe clients’ reactions. Learning what to do and what not to do will help determine what might be better and more effective in helping that client. Attending behavior is the first and most critical skill of listening. It is a necessary part of all interviewing, counseling, and psychotherapy. Sometimes listening carefully is enough to produce change.

To communicate that you are indeed listening or attending to the client, you need the following "3 V’s 1 B":

1. Visual/eye contact. Look at people when you speak to them.

2. Vocal qualities. Communicate warmth and interest with your voice. Think of how many ways you can say, “I am really interested in what you have to say,” just by altering your vocal tone and speech rate. Try that now, and note the importance of changes in behavior.

3. Verbal tracking. Track the client’s story. Don’t change the subject; stay with the client’s topic.

4. Body language/facial expression. Be yourself—authenticity is essential to building trust. To show interest, face clients squarely, lean slightly forward with an expressive face, and use encouraging gestures. Especially critical, smile to show warmth and interest in the client."